Pirates: Like you've never seen it before!
by Ezza-1989
Summary: Short, Random one shot story based on the first Pirate movie. What Pirates might be like if my friend and I were in it. has some lost and other stuff in it. Please R and R


Ok, so this is pretty random-has some Lost in it as well as other junk chucked into it. Just a short funny little story about me and my friend's stupidity. Hope you enjoy anyway :D

* * *

It started off like a normal day for Emma and Erin, well, almost.

It was their drama club's big play, "Pride and Prejudice" and it was heading for disaster, not because no one knew the lines, or that the audience wasn't interested, but because Erin's corset for the play, was a size too small.

"I can't breathe," Erin complained, hobbling along, "how can I act with this?" Emma sighed,

"You only say two lines!"

"The maid is the most important part!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too infinity! White rabbit for ever, full stop capital letter!"

Emma gave up. "I don't know why there holding it on the edge of a cliff," she said, steering the conversation to a different topic, "it's too windy."

Erin began to choke, "I think I'm dieing! I can't do this! I can't!"

"You only have two lines!"

"I can't work in these conditions!"

"What conditions?"

"Windy non-breathing ones!"

"If you can't breathe, then why are you still talking!"

Erin clutched her chest dramatically, "aw! My prostate!"

Emma rolled her eyes, "you don't have a prostate!" but before she could do anything, Erin fell, and somehow managed to grab hold of Emma's legs, and pull her off the cliff into the open sea.

Emma came up, gasping for breath; Erin was beside her within seconds. "Ow! Emma stop hitting me!"

Emma ignored her, "you idiot, you idiotic, idiot-like idiot!"

Erin grinned, "You forgot idiot!" she joked. Emma was about to hit her again when a huge wave swept over them. "Is this a good time to mention I'm not the strongest of swimmers?" Erin spluttered sheepishly.

"C'mon." Emma grabbed Erin by the arm and together they began to make there way to shore.

When they got to shore, Erin quickly pulled her dress off, so she was just in her undergarments (undergarments being a whole other, less pretty dress, not bra and nickers, so sorry to disappoint.) "I can breathe," she announced,

"Congratulations!" Emma clapped sarcastically.

"You have to admit," Erin said, as they walked along the sandy beach, "that was awesome!" despite herself Emma grinned; after all, it wasn't every day you fell off a cliff.

They were walking along the beach when-THAWK!-Emma bumped straight into-the most handsome man she'd ever seen.

"I, I, um, sorry I didn't mean, wasn't looking, I'm Emma by the way." She finely managed to mumble. The man staggered a bit, before taking a good look at her.

"And I am Jack, _Captain_ Jack sparrow."

"Emma, Emma Schultink!" Emma said breathlessly, fluttering her eyelids. Jack raised his eyebrows, in response to Erin's, who also had hers raised.

"What two, such fine ladies as yourself doing all the way out here?" he asked. Emma began to talk, talk so much that she was almost giving Erin a run for her money when Jack interrupted her.

"Hey, you, what you doing on my ship?" Emma was mortified to see Erin, wearing a pirate hat, at the wheel of a huge pirate ship that had failed to notice.

"Sorry," apologised Erin, "it's just such a pretty boat. I mean ship."

Jack attitude changed, and he warmed up to her quite a bit. "You know a good ship when you see one, lassie, nice hat, too."

"Thanks" Erin replied with a grin. Emma gave her the finger from behind Jack's back.

"I like it too!" Emma called out hopefully, but Jack ignored her.

"The Black Pearl!" he cried dramatically, "it the fastest ship in the whole Spanish main, savvy?"

"Really?" asked Emma, trying very hard to be interested, "that's fascinating." Jack wobbled a bit, before settling down on the railing.

"How would you two fine young lass like be a pirate eh?" he proposed suddenly, "What say you?"

"Arrrrrrrr!" Cried Erin, now playing with a sword. "I wouldn't mind if thy became a pirate, from this day fourth, I'd be now as dirty bess bonny, maiden o' the sea!"

Emma stared at her confused. "Since when are you talking like a pirate?" she asked.

"Its September the 19th!" Erin pointed out-talk like a pirate day, so Emma couldn't tell her off for it.

* * *

A few days passed and soon they docked into port. It would have been a good day, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and the OC was coming on that night, but it wasn't. It was tense aboard the black pearl, and not just because Emma accidentally blew up Jacks parrot. 

But mostly the crew mates were angry over the naming of the ship. Erin wanted it to be called the Titanic 2, Emma wanted it to be called Superman or the Black Rock and Jack sparrow just wanted it to stay the Black Pearl.

But besides that-they also needed a bigger crew.

"How about him?" asked Emma, pointing to some skinny dude.

"Nah, too skinny." Said Erin.

"And him?"

"I don't like his T-shirt."

"What about the midget?"

"Hell yeah!"

And then it happened. _He _walked in.

Now, you may think that you have seen a really sexy man in your life-maybe even the sexist man in the world-but you haven't.

Because Gerard Butler walked towards Erin, and he was hot, wearing hot clothes, with a hot body, and a hot accent, and plus…did I mention he was hot?

So what could possibly make it bad?

Well Josh Holloway had just walked in behind him-and he is like totally hot-so hot that people killed for him (R.I.P Yessica)

So what was she gonna do? All her life Erin had feared this. Two totally hot men and she was unable to chose. I mean, they both had great accents, great personalities, and great bodies!

* * *

"I still don't see why you got both of them!" Emma wined. 

"Arr, tis be a harsh life indeed." Said Erin, as she watched a shirtless Gerard and Josh working on the deck in the hot sun, sweat dripping off then.

"How come all I got was the midget!"

"Arrrr, he suit ye lass."

"Stop talking like that?" Emma screamed

"Arr what ye meaning?"

"YOU'RE NOT A PIRATE!" Emma began to stab Erin with a pen, but she was saved by an overprotective Josh who threw bubble gum in her hair.

"Nooooooooo!" Emma screamed, rolling around on the ground, "my beautiful beautiful hair!"

Jack came over, he was mad, really ,mad. Mad enough to want to kill Josh Holloway and Gerard Butler-now that's CRAZY mad.

And so it happened that Emma and Jack walked the plank-to the island of rum, while Erin and Josh and Gerard sailed into the sunset on the ship now called Titanic 2.

"Its not that bad lassy," said Jack, "we got rum eh?" Emma sighed, at least she was alone with Jack, if she just got him drunk enough then she'd finally be able to……

* * *

"Move your hand over there-place it there!" Emma cried, "no Jack closer! Touch it! Touch it Jack!" 

Jack fell over, unable to touch the red dot with his right hand-Emma won twister for the third time.

Over on the beach the Polar bear, Mr. Eko and Vincent clapped.

Roasting on the fire was a very tasty Dr Jack Shepard, and Ana lucia.

And so…this is where our story ends….

* * *

Written by a girl with 12 cups of coffee, 2 cans of coke and 1 chocolate bar in her system at the time

a.k.a

Erin Smith


End file.
